I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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