FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
