why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
