): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
