he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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