So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
