He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
