I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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