If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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