I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I AM VODKA MAN
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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