You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
apparently the secret to your success is patron
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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