I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.