I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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