She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?