Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
