i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
