Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
