I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize