I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
