So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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