Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
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