Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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