im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
