Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
