god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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