This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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