Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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