You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just blew my weed a kiss
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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