trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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