summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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