hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
