He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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