I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
