HIV tests are more positive than that guy
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I did not marry a roomba.
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