I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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