next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
