I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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