North Korea, Best Korea!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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