I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
