Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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