i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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