not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
