Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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