I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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