Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
