her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
