hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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