Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
