There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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