I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro