Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
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the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
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there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?