And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
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He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
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My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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