would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I want a musical about memes.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
