Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
