Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
