So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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