i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
