Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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