had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
