Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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