i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
