yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
