I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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