I'm pants shitting drunk right now
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
