That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
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Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
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My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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