We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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