i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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