I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
